Why Happiness is a Sunbeam?

Sunbeams of Motherhood, Family life, Our Adventures and anything that brings happiness.

Eeeeeeek my first blog post! I’m so excited to finally be able to start this wee journey after struggling for longer than I care to admit to find the perfect name.

I’m Sarah, a Scottish wife and Mummy to 3 bundles of mischief! I tend to over talk so I am going to try and keep this as short and concise as I can…11 years ago, I went on a girls holiday to Tenerife, met my husband Matt and he’s been stuck with me ever since! We have 3 beautiful children: Caleb who is 9, Eden, 7 and Noah 5.

So that is the short version and it would be fab if life was that straight forward but in truth, it hasn’t been. I have had more than my fair share of storms so here goes… A less than perfect childhood with my biological parents resulted in me running away at 15. Why it took me until 15 to find the courage I will never know but the important part for now is my beloved grandparents took me in (to me they are Mum and Dad) and have always been my constant and for that and the life i have now I will never be able to thank them enough.

Growing up they only ever really called me Sarah when I was in trouble; instead preferring to call me their “Sunbeam”. It is only with becoming a mum to 3 wee sunbeams of my own that I now understand why.

Motherhood has been my biggest adventure to date.

As silly as it sounds becoming a Mummy was and still is the best things that ever happened to me. It wasn’t until I laid eyes on my own son Caleb that I really understood unconditional love. Motherhood healed me, knowing I could never harm a hair on his wee head finally made me realise that I wasn’t responsible for the past and becoming a family gave me the happiness and stability I always longed for.

A non existent relationship with my biological mother had always left me fearful of having a daughter of my own. I shouldn’t have worried, she’s my sunshine and I’m not my Mother.  On reflection, I think I needed to have a son first to know I was a good mum. Eden just like her brother filled my heart with love and happiness so much so that we went on to have Noah who ensures it’s never quiet, I’m always entertained, forever tidying up, frequently counting to 10 but surrounded by love!!

No one ever expects that Autism, Alzheimer’s and Dementia will become part of their families story but I am the proudest Mum to the most amazing son who just so happens to be Autistic. I’m ashamed to admit that for the longest time I refused to use that word, but we have come a long way from those days. Caleb has Sensory Processing Disorder and High Functioning Autism, in the past he would have had a diagnosis of Asperger’s but it is all just labelled as on the spectrum now. It hasn’t been an easy journey, Caleb was a poorly soul and as a family we hit rock bottom trying to get the right help and support in place for him but being a Mum means each day we start again, learn and face it together. We now find ourselves in the position of homeschooling Caleb which comes with a new set of judgements, unfortunately unavoidable due to still having 2 kids in school. Anyone who has ever been the subject of playground talk will know that there is nothing worse than running the mum gauntlet! I’ve learnt to pretend not to notice because if being a Mum of 3 has taught me anything it is that what is right for one is not necessarily right for another.  It works for us, we have our boy back and that’s what matters most.

Having lost my dear Dad to Prostate Cancer 8 years ago we now heartbreakingly find ourselves gradually losing my Mum to Alzheimer’s and Dementia. We recently had Mum move down to a care home beside us. Some days my heart aches as it takes a hold and she loses a little bit more of her sparkle. But, those little windows, those glimmers where she lights up and puts us all back in our places make me realise she is still in there and give me the kick up the bum to realise how lucky we are to still have the chance to make more memories together.

I began a Youtube channel at the start of the year as a way to allow my Mum to see what we were up to and I guess to feel like I was doing something to help keep us all alive in her mind; as at the time we were living so far apart.  Editing clips offered a distraction from over thinking and from the frustration of knowing that this wasn’t something I could fix.  Ironically, videoing our lives helped me to see that even on the toughest of days there is always a positive if you choose to look for it. Of course it has also beautifully captured the kids personalities, so many funny moments and given us memories I know we will always treasure.

 

So why a blog?

The simple answer is my mind loves to overthink and  I love to write! I’ve come to realise that happiness is a sunbeam, whether that sunbeam is a kind smile, a compliment from a stranger, the love of a family, a camping adventure along the coast, a gorgeous pair of new boots, prosecco poured from a unicorn teapot shared with friends or finally having a bathroom. A blog is another way of making sure I see those sunbeams and hopefully in sharing others may relate and  join us in this adventure.

“Happiness is a sunbeam which may pass through a thousand bosoms without losing a particle of its original ray; nay, when it strikes on a kindred heart, like the converged light on a mirror, it reflects itself with redoubled brightness. It is not perfected till it is shared”.                                   –   Jane Porter