All Fur Coat And No Knickers!!

I should start by admitting this is not the blog I had planned on posting today but sometimes life chucks a curve ball or in my case a cold breeze your way.

When I say I don’t know how I survived Motherhood before discovering dry shampoo I genuinely mean it; for me it is simply happiness in a can! That patterned beauty has the power invested in it to not only transform the worst bad hair days but also ensure that on those school run mornings gone to pot, where my time has been spent attempting to tame my wild children and where looking presentable has long been forgotten that my unwashed locks aren’t giving the game away.

In fact just last week I had a friend tell me i smelt lovely, knowing I barely had time to wash myself properly let alone grab perfume and to be honest internally questioning whether I had in fact remembered to put deodorant on; I asked if she was sure it was me! Having a sniff she insisted it was and said that i smelt like coconuts! Ah so that would be the half can of Batiste Tropical dry shampoo in my hair. It turns out not only do you gain bouncy locks but it also serves as a deodorant for the days when your only goal is to make it to the end of the day with all kids fed and alive!

Don’t get me wrong I do wash, I promise! It’s not the actual process of shampooing and conditioning that puts me off it’s the length of time wasted blasting the damn thing dry I can’t stand. Unbearable heat, sweating bucket loads, finishing dry but with what can only be compared to Monica from Friends in Barbados staring back at you in the mirror. In the words of the woman herself “It’s the humidity!”  Meaning more time spent taming the fro with hair straighteners, I’m a mother of three, time is precious!

So what does this have to with today’s events?  Well you see, this morning was different, this morning I was smug, this morning I was winning at Motherhood, this morning I had my shit together. Not only had I got up early but I had also washed, showered and blow dried my locks. It took forever, I was flustered and granted there wasn’t enough time to introduce them to Mr Ghd but hey, baby steps!

On seeing the time, I rushed to grab thick tights, a long sleeved turtle neck and my pretty pink pinafore (nice hair calls for more of an effort). Throwing them on whilst bellowing out instructions to the kids to pack homework, fasten coats and get their pack lunch boxes. I was a multi tasking Jedi, simultaneously managing to pull my tight up whilst confiscating 2 Harry Potter wands from the boys due to arguments over the littlest doing the unforgivable and using the killing curse! I open the blinds to discover I needn’t have bothered, it’s bloody spitting with rain.  Cue a speed walk to school with me ranting that washed hair was not worth running late and making it just in time for the bell.

Kids dropped off,  I exit the playground with another Mother congratulating her on her dragon winning first place in the schools pumpkin carving competition when a gust of wind catches me mid sentence. I gasp,  suddenly I’m questioning why my bum feels rather chilly. Surely not, have I ripped my tights in the most unfortunate position? There is no way of checking but something is definitely not feeling quite right down there. I make a mental note not to bend and attempt to make a polite escape, as open a book as I am; this Mother is a dragon slayer!

I spot Caleb, only to see he is speaking to the triplets Mum. She comes over to thank me again for having her children for a sleepover at the weekend whilst i rather embarrassingly hand back the pj’s that have failed to be safely packed and returned with her child. The whole time I’m thinking oh god there’s some definite chafing going on here. I pull my coat closer and make a dash for Tesco’s toilets thinking surely shaving my legs last night shouldn’t make me this cold and what the heck is bloody rubbing?

Apparently, I’m that smug Mother that has time to style her hair and pop her face and fancy coat on in the morning but completely forgets the fundamentals of getting dressed and negates to put on a pair of pants!!

All fur coat and no knickers! Needless to say from now on I will be sticking to being dry shampoo ready and leave the organised and presentable look to the grown ups!