You know as a Mum when you say ‘mmmhmmm’ without really hearing the question but your child seems happy with the response and wanders off whilst you enjoy a moments peace…don’t do that!!
Yesterday I paid a heavy price for a momentary lapse in parenting…I unwittingly had agreed to a morning run!!
It was baltic, icy and not the ideal conditions for a Mum who hasn’t ran since November but seeing Caleb so excited and already in his running gear; Mum mode kicked in. Not wanting to disappoint despite doubting I could make it to the end of the street let alone all the way in to town, I consoled myself with worst case scenario…he has to sausage roll me until I make a human snowball and he can roll me home!
The force that is Noah.
But first the school run had to be tackled and Noah was adamant all attention was to be on him! He was in a horrific mood as apparently his school tie is shorter than the rest of his classes and ‘did I want him to look silly!’ Having had to jog (I say jog but I was like bambi on ice) back to the house for a tie he had decided was unsuitable, removed from round his neck and stuffed down the sofa i was already regretting my decision not to have my caffeine fix for fear of needing to pee roadside!
After 3 kids and a lack of keegel exercises post birth these things have to be taken in to consideration. Never fear though Noah didn’t share my fear of peeing in public; we made it to the main road crossing just in time for him to start the wee dance and with no shame at all he happily peed in a bush! All whilst I Mum ranted about having time to bicker and wind up his sister before leaving the house when he could have been at the toilet! I hate when I sound like a proper Mum!
Just a wee hiccup.
Then came Noah’s best attempt yet at not joining his class in going in to school…he had the hiccups !! “Did I want everyone to laugh at him?” “How is he meant to answer the teachers register when he has the hiccups?” Worse still “what if he hiccups instead of saying here?” Being unable to suppress my laughter wasn’t my finest parenting moment, exasperated he wailed that I just didn’t understand before he declared me the worst Mum ever for the lovely cuddle and in you go pumpkin!
No need for a PT, I have Caleb.
I don’t think I will ever be the girl that enjoys the thought of running but I am that girl that enjoys it when I’m doing it and I do love the buzz of accomplishment after.
We navigated slush, ice, a shower of snow and the freezing conditions all whilst Caleb happily chatted the whole way; I decided he is a cross between a whippet and Mr Motivator. He refused to slow the pace, tapping his watch at me when I dared to trail behind. But he does very sweetly praise me along the way with sentiments such as “you’re doing well Mummy, I’m so surprised I didn’t think you would make it this far!”
What is lovelier is whilst he chats I don’t have to!! I get a lovely little insight in to how his wee brain works as he chats away about the daily science news, what he wants to be when he’s older, what he’s going to say to Nana. I listen whilst being extremely careful to dodge ice or answering any questions that require valuable energy that I need to conserve to breathe and move!
Alzheimer’s and Dementia.
Whilst I love that Caleb wanted to see his Nana, in truth, I was worried as we approached as to how she would be. It’s been a really tough Christmas and last month in truth; made tougher by my Mums decline in health.
Dementia and Alzheimer’s are devastatingly cruel. My Mum still looks like my Mum but the illness progressively steals your loved ones and the precious memories that make you family. It can be incredibly hard to get your head around; as they are there but at times not.
I don’t think a girl ever grows too old to need her Mum and I’ve definitely needed mine this past month. Sadly, at times she hasn’t recognised me, has been aggressive or just not thought much of the kids and my company and wandered off. Last visit she was insistent that I was her sister which doesn’t say much for the affects motherhood is having on my aging.
Whilst I’ve not had her advice or fierce motherly protection on those bad days, what I have come to realise is some how just being near her, seeing her smile and being wrapped in her arms has been the strength I’ve needed to stay strong for my own wee nest.
My Sunbeam.
However, yesterday her face lit up at our sweaty and weather beaten faces and I saw a sparkle of mischief that said this visit was going to be just the tonic I needed. Overly generous to a fault she wasted no time in trying to ram her bounty bar down Caleb’s throat before trying to feed me up as I’m “wasting away Quine” The Mum tum on me betraying my love of gin and cake lets me know I’m far from it but no one ignores your flaws and sees you quite as perfectly as your own Mother.
No one can insult you quite like your Mother either!! Despite, having had several tellings off for my nose stud in the past she saved her most scathing for today. “Fits that on your nose?”, she asked with disgust etched across her face. “It’s my stud Mum, do you not remember?” She turns to her imaginary friend, laughs and says “oh, we thought it was a wriggly maggot crawling its way ooot of your nose!” Thanks Mum.
She proceeded to have us in stitches as she didn’t recognise her own reflection and proceeded to pull her specs down for a closer look, unable to comprehend that she had aged a day past 50! She sang along to clips on the camera of Eden’s ceillidh dancing and Scottish songs from her Burns day, all before zonking out on us like sleeping beauty. I clearly need to work on my chat!!
Fanny Pack.
A few days prior to our run I had bought myself a bum bag or a fanny pack if you prefer; met with much mocking from my delightful family. I stand by it, I was able to fit my phone, charger, camera and keys comfortably in, allowing a hands free run. What I had forgot to pack was my purse or some money to get home which meant a chilly run home with already stiffening muscles.
Mr Motivator showed no signs of slowing and mercilessly tortured me with time and distance data whilst I began to question my thinking on his birthday Fitbit aka the torture strap and my new bag. You see any woman with ample cleavage will tell you when it comes to running those babies need to be strapped down…black eyes is a real risk. What I didn’t envisage was a bouncing bum bag happily clattering off my girl bits and not in a pleasurable way!! I made it home with a stitch on one side, legs like lead and worrying that I was going to wake to one bruised but not broken fanny pack of my own!!
Happiness is a Sunbeam.
Yesterday wasn’t the day I had planned but it surprised me, in fact it was my happiest day of this year. I always said i wanted this blog to be honest, from the heart and to capture the positives.
Yesterday was a gentle reminder to not let hurt overshadow the laughter and positives. Happiness really is a sunbeam and when those rays do shine on you; really treasure them and appreciate the moment.
These last few years have taught me that not every day is perfect, life can be hard, unfair even and with love comes heartbreak. But I will always be that girl that believes in love and that true love always finds a way. Yesterday, having felt lost, my true love found her way to me and even if it was just a wee beam; it’s one I already treasure.
Happiness is a Sunbeam 